Interpreted - Coronavirus prevention - advice to the public

There is no shortage of advice on how to prevent COVID-19 from making you sick.  Who provides the best?  Perhaps the World Health Organization is near the top.

For your own safety, please read this culturally-adjusted (for residents of the USA and maybe Canada, eh?) interpretation of their guidelines . 

There's the little mother infector.
Image courtesy of the CDC

Wash your hands frequently

Regularly and thoroughly clean your hands with an alcohol-based hand rub or wash them with soap and water.  Or douse them in gasoline and light them up. Make sure a pail of uninfected water is nearby.

Why? Well, duh!  Washing your hands with soap and water or using alcohol-based hand rub or gasoline immolation kills viruses that may be on your hands.  And you know where those hands have been. Shame on you.

Maintain social distancing

Maintain at least 1 meter (3 feet) distance between yourself and anyone who is coughing or sneezing.  Better yet, stay at least that far away from everyone. You never know when some low-life is going to explode into a coughing fit.  Shouldn’t be that hard for most of us, given how attractive we are. Wear your haz-mat suit if you must ride the subway.

Why? When someone coughs or sneezes they spray boogers and small liquid droplets from their nose or mouth which may contain virus. If you are too close, like less than a kilometer (0.62 mile), you can breathe in the droplets, including the COVID-19 virus if the person coughing has the disease.  And who wants to suck in a stranger’s fluids in any case? Or even most loved ones?

Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth

Stop picking your nose!  Mom was right. Besides, you really don’t want a lifetime of nostril-enlarging picking to create this big bulbous honker in the middle of your face, do you?

Why? Hands touch many surfaces and can pick up viruses. Did you wash your hands after that quick trip to the restroom?  Once contaminated, hands can transfer the virus to your eyes, nose or mouth. From there, the virus is on the fast track to enter your body and can make you sick.  Little bastards.

Practice respiratory hygiene

Make sure you, and the people around you, follow good respiratory hygiene. This means breathe as little as possible.  If you must breathe, be sure to cover your mouth and nose with your bent elbow or tissue when you cough or sneeze. You can buy Bent-Elbow-Tissues at CVS or Walgreens. Then dispose of the used tissue immediately by using the remaining gasoline and matches.

Why? Droplets spread virus. By following good respiratory hygiene you protect the people around you from viruses such as cold, flu and COVID-19, even if they don’t really deserve it.  And don’t be tempted to go sneeze on Mom in the nursing home. She’s the one who was on the money about nose-picking, right?

If you have fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical care early

Stay home if you feel unwell. If you have a fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical attention, but call in advance. They really don’t want to see you, and will try to get you to medicate yourself in the comfort of your own home. Follow the directions of your local health authority.  Someone may be sent in a haz-mat suit to take your keys.

Why? National and local authorities will have the most up to date information on the situation in your area. Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility, or to build a 40-ft high wall around your house or apartment with funds from the federal budget. This will also protect you and help prevent spread of viruses and other infections.

Never buy anything from China

Hey, you never know what you’re getting.  It’s your patriotic duty to buy more expensive and uninfected American-made goods.

Why? The Vice-President has stated that some people are saying that infected Chinese factory workers are breathing into products slated to be shipped to America.  This is doubly troubling considering that the Chinese could have contained this outbreak if they didn’t deny it to begin with.

If you’re over 60, and particularly if you have underlying health conditions, prepare your will

Always a good policy to be prepared.  The odds say that you’ll be OK, but are you really sure?  When was the last time you won anything?

Why? A well written will can prevent a post-mortem fight over your assets, which will certainly happen in an infected courtroom where court-officer coughing fits will expose all your heirs.  Don’t be lazy. Do your part to prevent the spread of the infection.